When Seniors Say No...

In our role as a solution provider, we often come across families that are struggling to convince their elderly family member's to accept help. We find that the families are worried about the health and safety of their loved ones yet feel like they are hitting a brick wall of resistance.

Why do Seniors refuse assistance?

"I don't want to make a fuss!"

They have spent their lives caring for their children and Seniors still want to maintain that role, as opposed to the roles reversing and their children caring for them. It feels unnatural for some Seniors to have this attention and they would much rather be left alone. They have spent their entire lives making decisions for their family and for some Seniors it can feel like they are losing control of their decision making power. It can be a frightening time for Seniors as some believe that if they accept care, they are accepting the fact that they are struggling with everyday tasks and it's a slippery slope to residential care.

"I don't need any more help, my daughter can do it!"

A Home Instead Senior Care survey found that 71% of carers in Australia had no outside help, despite 31% admitting that they would like more help. By seeking outside help, it may actually relieve the pressures on family members and alleviate the burden. With busy lives and busy schedules, it is sometimes impossible for adult children to take on the role of primary CAREGiver. There is an underlying expectation that children will assist parents with shopping, cleaning, personal care and transport. Whilst it is ideal, some families nowadays sometimes struggle to manage the demands of work obligations, their children's busy lives and their own domestic tasks and simply are unable to add anything else to their workload.

"I don't want somebody in my home"

To some seniors the thought of having a stranger care for them in their home is daunting. Some Seniors fear the loss of privacy or dignity. Again, another concern for many Seniors is loss of control - they might think that they won't have a choice over the day or time the CAREGiver comes or what type of services they provide. 

How to deal with resistance:

1. Understand where the resistance is coming from. Talk to your loved one about the reasons why they are resisting help.
2. Explain your goals. Remind your loved one that you both want the same thing. Explain that a little extra help can enable them to remain independent and living at home longer.
3. Bring in outside help. A third-party professional can assist the conversation with valuable input and a third party may help your loved one to see things from your point of view.
4. Research your options. By researching your options you are presenting your loved one with confident professional choices of in-home care and they can be reassured you have done your homework and they will be looked after.
5. Respect their decision. If your loved one is of sound then he/she should have the final say so make sure you involve them in their care planning. This will help your loved one dispel the feeling that they are not in control.

How can a CARE Consult help?

Home Instead Senior Care can be the professional voice and reason when discussing resistance to assistance. Sometimes just putting a "face to the business" will alleviate concerns in Seniors. By meeting with us it enables Seniors to ask any burning questions they have, discuss their preferences and needs and formulate a plan of action. 

Our CARE Consults are free of charge and completely no-obligation. They can be arranged after hours if this is more convenient for your family and usually take place in the Senior's home. It is a chance for us to get to know the family and our client so that we can successfully match a CAREGiver to he/she, tailor our services to best suit them and talk about their past and present life to get a better sense of their likes/dislikes.

Tips on having "The Conversation"

1. The first step is to start having "The Conversation". It is usually best to limit the number of people present. Often a loved one can feel "ganged up on" and "bullied" into decisions so it's best that the environment be as calm and relaxed as possible.
2. Talk to your loved one about what they are finding a little difficult so that you know what kind of services they might need. Also, talk to them about what activities they are missing out on. The companionship services that enrich lives are just as important as the necessary services like personal care and household cleaning.
3. Ask them what person they might want if they did have a CAREGiver coming in to assist them. Putting your loved one's mind at ease is really important, and explaining that this man/woman coming in to assist them is matched to their requests and therefore can become a companion might ease their tension.
4. Explain why you are concerned. Some Seniors might not realise that their actions are impacting others or that their family is worried about their safety and wellbeing. By discussing your concerns and your loved ones reservations it will encourage empathy and understanding by each party.

Download our free resource When Seniors Say No:

http://homeinstead.com.au/documents/WhenSeniorsF1.pdf

If you need any assistance or you would like to organise a CARE Consultation, please do not hesitate to contact us on (02) 4295 6829.